5 good uses for a toddler – ‘Why’? I hear you ask. Well, here at Live Oxfordshire I like to follow Monty Python’s advice and look on the bright side of life. When considering life with a toddler you’d be easily forgiven for focusing on the cuteness, charm, cuddles and touching moments when trying to find the positives, but I have taken a more practical approach and outlined 5 really good uses for a toddler.
No, no need to thank me. You’re entirely welcome.
1 – They can apply cream to hard-to-reach places. No, not double, whipped or single, although finding oneself smeared with food products by the end of the day is not at all unusual as a parent. No, the creams I am referring to are more of the moisturising/suncream variety. I am the *least* bendy person ever and most of my back is out of reach for me, so having a toddler handy is essential in this hot weather. From 18 months onwards the toddler terrorist was not just obliging, but positively eager to “rub rub keem” into Mummy’s back. Brilliant! Albeit somewhat messy sometimes.
2 – They can save a lot of needless running about. One thing about having a child (of any age) is that you’re usually completely knackered pretty much the entire time, so sitting down can be a fatal error. This is when the game of ‘fetch’ comes in handy. It’s not always reliable, it depends upon willingness and switched-on-ness of said toddler, but about 75% of the time you can get them to go get remote controls (the NowTV buttons are a particular issue in this house), mobile ‘phones, glasses, books – all that detritus that you need once you’ve sat down, but forgot to line up before your arse hit the sofa.
3 – Wakey wakey – you’ll never be late again! That’s right. When it comes to alarm clocks there is little more effective for getting you out of bed than the pitiful, yet penetrating, wail of “Mummy, Daddy, my neeeed a pooooo! My need a big pooooooo!” And if that fails, you may find yourself the lucky recipient of the toddler ‘pat’ (more of a slap) on the face accompanied by an order to “Wake up Mummy!” No snooze button. No chance to sleep through.
4 – Relieving those knots & aches (that they probably caused in the first place) – Yup. You can get toddlers to give you a back massage from really quite early on – in fact you can start before that. As soon as they’re crawling you can lie down on your front and within seconds they’ll be all over you. OK, it’s no hour-long aromatherapy sesh with Sven the Swedish Masseur, but two little hands and two little knees can do quite a bit towards working out the kinks if you’re desperate – and it won’t cost you fifty quid.
5 – Great for getting through those awkward moments – nothing is better for getting people talking than introducing a small, cute face full of mischief who is bound to say something unlikely, inappropriate or downright weird. Everyone laughs. End of awkward silence. Brilliant for large family gatherings and the like.
Know of any more practical uses for a toddler? I’d really love to know so I can maximise their usefulness!
The greatest tragedies of our parenting life were the days when my children realised that the ‘Good Fairy Game’ was a crock of shit and mum and dad had been pulling a fast one.
You know that game? “If Mummy/Daddy closes her eyes do you think an amazing magical fairy might come and pick up the toys/get me a drink/make their beds/bring about world peace” (choose whichever task is most pressing).
It worked so well until a) our demands grew grandiose b) they realised they got nothing out of it and c) our exaggerated pleasure became less pleasurable for them.