Live Oxfordshire

Don't just be in Oxfordshire - LIVE Oxfordshire

  • Home
  • About
  • Work with me
  • Family Life
  • Oxfordshire
  • Body and soul
  • Reviews

Mum is the loneliest number – why you need support to breastfeed

August 6, 2015 by Milla 10 Comments

Thanks for hopping over from My Thoughts on Things and welcome to my post for the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Scavenger Hunt – Day 6: The People Behind The Breastfeeder. 

Sponsors today include ARDO Breastpumps, who are giving away a Calypso Single Breastpump, Breastvest, who are offering an essential breastvest duo (1x black and 1x white) in your size, and Mother Loves Cookies, who are providing a box of delicious lactation cookies for our Grand Prize winner. Over £700 worth of goodies are up for grabs entries via the Rafflecopter at the bottom of this post.

Successful breastfeeding is all about support. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again no doubt, but it’s the most true of all true things so I will keep on saying it.  It’s not just about any old support though. It has to be the right support, doing the right things, giving the right advice, listening at the right moments.

Being mum to a new baby is probably one of the hardest and most lonely things you can go through as a woman. I never truly imagined it. I enjoyed the fuss made of me during pregnancy and imagined that having a new, squishy baby would be similar. I’m not sure if I could have been more disillusioned, I suspect not. I had been warned by oh so many people about the sleep deprivation, the guilt, the emotional fall-out – almost every negative aspect of parenting there is (not that I believed any of it, but fair play, I was warned) but not a single person told me how horribly, utterly, fucking lonely it was.

Enjoying this? READ  Smartphones to video stream live footage to emergency services during emergency calls

Suddenly the midwives don’t really want to know about you. The six/eight-week check is more for Baby’s benefit than yours (except for advice about birth control – hah! The baby is doing that quite effectively thank you) and even your partner and mum can’t help that much.  Your mum totally gets it, of course, but she’s probably not that close by and she isn’t there in the cold, silent 3ams of the night.

Your husband or partner, whilst they’re around for quite a bit of it, especially that witching hour after they get home from work, don’t really understand how all-consuming it is to be somebody’s everything like that. To be their source of comfort, warmth, food, transport, entertainment: their life support in every way.

For me it was amplified by the fact that we lived in the middle of nowhere when we had The Boy. The C-section meant I couldn’t drive and even going for a walk was a solitary pursuit, with no friendly neighbours to bump into, no baby groups to walk to. As soon as I could conceivably do it I got myself out to groups in the nearby town and drank up the company like a wilted flower sucks up water. But nobody understood the all-consuming-ness of feeding a high needs baby unless they’d done it themselves, and, unlike in times gone by when we would have been surrounded by women we’d known all our lives who could share their experiences, modern life keeps us very much isolated.

If only a group had existed back then like the one I help to run now, but there was no such thing, so I was endlessly grateful when a burgeoning friendship began to flower with a mum who had fed her eldest daughter for several years and was then feeding her 18-month old.  Now one of my bestest of best good friends, she was then just a random woman I had met upon whose mercy I flung myself, but she gave me support and understanding, reassured me about problems I was having, sympathised, offered chocolate biscuits and, most of all, she listened.

Enjoying this? READ  Ryan Williams & the tampon tax - focusing on the wrong thing

I don’t think I truly realised it until I came to writing this post, but it is probably thanks to her that I stuck it out, not just because of her support and advice, but because of the living, breathing example that she provided of a ‘normal’ breastfeeding relationship. It gave me something to strive for, a reassurance that feeding an older baby was nothing extraordinary.

Through her I met other mothers feeding babies and toddlers and, through them, was invited to join a training course to become a peer supporter. That training was one of the most special and bonding experiences I have been through. The women on it were completely open and honest with each other. Completely warm and supportive to each other and, as peer supporters, they had all fed a baby at some point, most of them still were and the majority of our training sessions were conducted with at least one lot of slurping noises and happy humming from a small child at all times.

Connected by emails, a facebook group, our admin meetings and socials, we’re nearly all still in touch and, despite being trained counsellors ourselves, turn to each other for help and support when we’re struggling. Much like The Virtual Tribe a friend of mine has written about, this kind of unstinting, knowledgeable support is absolutely invaluable. From weaning overly-dependent toddlers, to recurring mastitis, tongue-tie, subsequent babies, traumatic births and subjects utterly unrelated to breastfeeding I have offered and received the support and advice I needed from these women.

If you hope to breastfeed then I advise you to seek out your support, whether it be an online group like Mumsnet or Facebook, or a real life one, like La Leche League or Baby Cafe, find it now so that it’s there, ready and waiting for you when you need it. Husbands are all well and good, but when the chips are down (and the lazy bastard is snoring beside you at 3am) you need to talk to women who have walked your path…and can commiserate as you fantasise about how exactly to smother the useless lump who’s stealing the duvet.

Enjoying this? READ  How to support a new mum

For more extended breastfeeding experiences please hop on over to Run Jump Scrap where you can gain further entries into the grand prize draw. Full terms and conditions can be found on the Keeping Britain Breastfeeding website. UK residents only.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

d7c05-kbb_scav_blue_15

Related

Related posts:

craft groups and the female spaceCraft groups and the female space Finding my passion Speaking without words, the face of the refugee crisis 10 things you may not know about breastfeeding10 things you may not know about breastfeeding

Filed Under: Body and soul Tagged With: advice, breastfeeding groups, successful breastfeeding, support, tribe

Comments

  1. lycrawidow says

    August 6, 2015 at 7:49 am

    That loneliness. I was back at the Dr’s by 2.5 weeks begging to be allowed to drive again. I actually think I had cabin fever! I would love to train as a peer supporter. We’re about to move house for the 4th time in 2 years, and once we’ve moved, I’ll see where I can train!

    Thank you for sharing. ❤️ x

    Reply
    • Milla says

      August 6, 2015 at 7:52 am

      Wow – I’m in awe. The only way I can cope with the day to day grind of being a SAHM to two is because of my local support network – not sure I could do what you do and move house and area constantly

      Reply
      • lycrawidow says

        August 6, 2015 at 8:00 am

        Thank you! Army life hey! You learn to build long distance friendships, you definitely learn who your real friends are too! X

        Reply
        • Milla says

          August 6, 2015 at 8:33 am

          And the internet is a lifesaver – especially in those middle-of-the-night feeds

          Reply
  2. Laura Moore says

    August 6, 2015 at 9:13 am

    Oh, the loneliness! It’s not just in the early days either. My greatest breastfeeding supporters have been my mum, my husband, and my best friend (who lives several hundred miles away). I have struggled, but they carried me. Still lonely though. I think I need to live in a commune!

    Reply
    • Milla says

      August 6, 2015 at 9:36 am

      Yes! One of my online ante/post-natal groups has long-term plans for a commune… slightly hindered by the fact we live scattered across the globe and all need to work (or our husband/partners work) in certain locations, but the desire is there!

      Reply
    • Dollie says

      May 13, 2016 at 10:54 am

      It’s a pity you do87&n21#;t have a donate button! I’d most certainly donate to this brilliant blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

      Reply
  3. gemma clark says

    August 6, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    My husband! I am 30 weeks pregnant and he is more pro breastfeeding than most women I know 🙂 xx

    Reply
  4. Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops says

    August 7, 2015 at 8:46 pm

    Breastfeeding or rather parts of breastfeeding can be really lonely – it’s nice to have someone who can understand, when Boo was about 7 months old I met a lady whose daughter is two weeks younger than Boo, was still breastfeeding (we are both still breastfeeding now at nearly 20 months) and lives on the next road! It’s great to get together and have a natter =)
    My husband had been my biggest support though, he has been there for everything, even the night feeds when I needed him to be too! (but yes snoring is so annoying and the worst noise to listen to at 3am when you are knackered and all you want to do is sleep!)

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Thank You for Helping me Breastfeed | My Blog says:
    September 25, 2015 at 10:47 am

    […] for hopping over from Live Oxfordshire  and welcome to my post for the Keep Britain Breastfeeding Scavenger Hunt Day 6 The […]

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts

Facebook
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest
Pinterest
Google+
Google+
YOUTUBE
Twitter
Visit Us
Follow
Click to email me

Do you know what you’re looking for?

Have you met Milla yet?

An image of Milla, Live Oxfordshire

Milla is a middle-class (note the pearls), rising middle-age (note the wrinkles), self-employed mum of two (note the slightly manic expression) with hippy tendencies and a serious chocolate dependency issue. She lives in South Oxfordshire and writes about whatever she can, whenever she can.

mumsnet
TOTS100 - UK Parent Blogs
TOTS100
Tots 100 Awards

Categories

Follow

Copyright

© liveoxfordshire.com, 2016. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to liveoxfordshire.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Living Arrows
BritMums

Copyright © 2021 · Beautiful Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in